Careers in Financial Services

Want to work in finance? Be a corporate baddie? What the hell do these guys in suits do anyway, and how do I join the club? There are so many jobs I don’t want to do, but maybe you want to make it on Wall Street and don’t know your options.

Let’s take a brief look at finance careers, including types of roles, required skills, job market outlook, work-life balance, and emerging trends that are reshaping the industry. From investment banking to actuarial science, the finance industry attracts individuals who have a passion for numbers, analytical thinking, and a healthy dose of narcissism grounded in a lust for power and money.

Overview of Finance Careers
The industry encompasses roles that range from front-office positions like investment banking to back-office functions such as accounting and taxation. It’s like a restaurant—the front office is customer-facing and tries to drive revenue, whereas the back office cooks the food and does the actual work to keep the business running. There are too many individual jobs to list, so I’m going to give you a brief overview in general categories.

Compliance and Tax
These roles form the backbone of many financial operations, ensuring regulatory compliance and optimizing tax strategies. Accountants manage financial records, prepare financial statements, and ensure that organizations adhere to legal and regulatory requirements. Taxation experts, on the other hand, focus on developing tax strategies that minimize liabilities while maximizing profitability. Lawyers handle all the legal risk and often hire out to big law firms to do the complicated stuff. These are the paper pushers that are necessary, but nobody really likes them because they always go, “Well, actually…” Shut. Up.

Investment Banking
Known for its high-stakes environment, investment banking involves raising capital for companies and advising on mergers and acquisitions. Investment bankers play a crucial role in facilitating large financial transactions, such as initial public offerings (IPOs), debt issuance, and corporate mergers. The work is intense and often involves long hours, but the rewards can be substantial, both in terms of compensation and career progression. Usually, your life sucks for three years, and then this sets you up for the rest of your career, like going into something you actually wanted to do—hedge funds, PE, or VC. Investment banking is great if you like to spend no time with your loved ones and hate poor people.

Financial Planning and Advisory Services
For those who enjoy working directly with individuals, financial planning and advisory services offer the chance to help people manage their personal finances and plan for the future. Financial advisors assess their clients’ financial situations, set goals, and develop tailored plans to achieve those goals. This field requires strong interpersonal skills, as building trust and maintaining client relationships are key components of success.

I knew a financial advisor—Series 7 and 66 guy—who charged based on assets under management. Hardest $40K-a-year job in the business but the easiest $400K-a-year job. This is generally where you want to be. The most cushy jobs are at family offices; you know, the billion-dollar families that need their money managed. Just suckle their teat.

Data Scientists and Quantitative Analysts
These professionals use advanced mathematical models to analyze financial data and assess risks, similar to how actuaries evaluate the likelihood of future events and their potential financial impact. Data scientists in finance apply techniques from machine learning and artificial intelligence to predict market trends, optimize trading strategies, and enhance decision-making processes.

Quantitative analysts, often referred to as “quants,” develop and implement complex algorithms to identify trading opportunities and manage financial risks. Their work is at the cutting edge of finance, driving innovation and improving efficiency in financial markets. They poach PhDs in math—totally useless in the industry before—and stuff their mouths full of money so more money will come out of them.

Risk Managers
In an increasingly complex and volatile global economy, risk management has become a critical function within financial institutions. Risk managers identify, assess, and mitigate financial risks, such as credit risk, market risk, and operational risk. Their work is essential for ensuring the long-term stability and profitability of financial institutions.

And they sacrifice an analyst to a volcano every year to stop a recession, so thank them when grandma starts rambling on about the Great Depression. Take a Zoloft like everybody else, grandma.

Portfolio Management
Portfolio managers oversee the investment portfolios of individuals or institutions, making decisions about asset allocation and investment strategies. This role requires a deep understanding of financial markets, as well as the ability to analyze economic trends and assess the performance of various asset classes.

The best jobs come from nepotism: I knew a professional’s son who inherited his dad’s $20M portfolio, and he just needed to spend 5–10 hours a week schmoozing to keep it. I’ve watched Aswath Damodaran videos while studying for my CFA—I can totally do this job.

There are many other niche jobs that sound awesome, like selling structured products, finance software consulting, or pretending you like finance to be an influencer…

Educational Requirements
You need degrees to get into finance. It’s a proxy for talent because they have no idea whether this kid who spent the last four years binge drinking can be trained to crunch some numbers.

Most positions require at least a bachelor’s degree in finance, economics, or a related field. However, advanced degrees and professional certifications, such as the Chartered Financial Analyst (CFA) designation, can significantly enhance career prospects.

Professional Certifications
In addition to formal education, finance professionals can distinguish themselves by obtaining professional certifications. The CFA designation is one of the most prestigious in the finance industry, demonstrating expertise in investment analysis, portfolio management, and ethics. Other valuable certifications include Certified Public Accountant (CPA) for accountants, Financial Risk Manager (FRM) for risk management professionals, and Certified Financial Planner (CFP) for financial advisors.

Or you can just watch Wolf of Wall Street again and lose all your money on crypto. Somebody hire this degenerate, stat!

Work Experience & Job Market
The best education is work experience. Analytical thinking, attention to detail, and strong communication abilities are essential across all roles. Additionally, proficiency in financial modeling and data analysis software has become increasingly important in today’s technology-driven financial landscape.

But obviously, it’s not fun, which is why some people already in financial careers do an MBA as a two-year vacation.

The finance industry is highly sensitive to global economic conditions. Economic growth, technological advancements, and regulatory changes all influence demand for finance professionals. That’s the beauty of some roles in finance—at a certain point, you stop gambling and become the house. And the house always wins.

I would dive into this more, but I don’t want to end up with two shots in the back of my head.

Finance can be highly rewarding for those with a passion for numbers and a willingness to navigate a dynamic industry. But at the same time, high finance is often seen as exploitative—favoring elite backgrounds, perpetuating inequality, and prioritizing profits over people.

Don’t say I didn’t warn you.